As many of you know, I continue to maintain a profile on OKCupid. I do this for many reasons, most of them personal. However, due to my work in the sex industry, I feel it is necessary to be completely open about my work on there and this leads to many unfortunate behaviors from other people who misinterpret what said openness means. I get propositioned a lot and I get frequent demands for free services, amongst other things.

Today, I got a message that seemed to indicate that the individual had not even bothered to read my profile and was primarily interested in some sexual stimulation. Even before I got into this work, I knew this kind of thing happens to women all over the internet. This man began his message with a description of all the sexual things that he wanted to do to me, expressed that he wanted to meet me followed by him justifying his actions by saying that sexual openness is healthy. The problem is, sexual openness is healthy, but the context is as important as the action of being open. I responded to this person with the following and am offering it for your viewing so that you can share it with other people who need a little bit of a reality check:

Thank you for at least the implication that you find me attractive. I do think there are better ways to articulate such a thing, though, and I think you should bear in mind a few things before you send a similar message to people in the future:

1) I’m well aware of people’s desires; I study sexual behavior as a career.

2) There is a time and place to express those desires and in order for rational and practical sexual exchanges to occur, this is generally after two people have made an attempt to get to know each other at least to some small extent.

3) While it is healthy to have sexual desires and to express them; it is more healthy to express them at the appropriate time (see above). If one cannot restrain themselves, it is better to find an appropriate time before doing so. This helps prevent massive social blunders.

4) It probably would help if you make an attempt to actually read people’s profiles before writing them and then you can better understand how to approach them. If you want to talk dirty to me, you have to either become very close to me somehow or you have to be a client of mine. At this point, you are neither and have not made a motion to become either. So while your desire is healthy, you have failed on the social propriety front. There is a vast difference between being healthy in one’s openness and bypassing other healthy behaviors before one reaches that point. I would hope that in order to prevent making irrational and abrupt sexual decisions, you give some mind to this fact in the future. Open IS healthy, but it also has its place and there are other healthy things that should happen before you reach the stage that you jumped to in your message.

Be also aware that hastiness in trying to aim for sexual interaction with someone can have very severe side effects. Lack of knowledge about your partner’s sexual life, relationships status and even health can lead to confrontation and other complex issues or disease. Taking care to account for these potential problems can lead to a long and healthy (even varied) social life without putting yourself at risk.

It made me feel better.

It made me feel better.

Special thanks to Terry for answering my questions so that I could ensure the correct wording on this comic.

As Sex and Science comes together as a site, I am gradually forming in my head all the things I want it to be. I like to see it as a vital extension of all the things that go on in my head but also as a way for me to communicate very important ideas and concepts to people that don’t get dealt with often enough or even brought to the attention of the average person. I actually have lots of posts in the works at the moment that will be published at a later date after I get them all done the way I would like them, but today I’d like to discuss something that was brought to my attention by Nails at skeptifem. In particular, my concern has to do more with what she linked to than her commentary, though I’m happy to read her input on the matter and will respond to it after addressing the original issue.

Basically, Sheril Kirshenbaum was recently welcomed to begin writing on the ever-increasingly awesome blogs at Discover Magazine. In response to her arrival, she was welcomed by other awesome bloggers such as Phil Plait and Continue reading »

It has suddenly become apparent to me that moving boxes upstairs is more dangerous than I had previously thought. Especially when you’re lacking protective clothing. I’m wearing my normal attire for a day at home, a bra and a pair of booty shorts. I was just inclined to check a box that I had packed to see if I accidentally put things in it that I thought I needed. So I went and got the box to bring it upstairs so that I could go through it and look for my desired items. On the way up the stairs, JD, a cat I’m babysitting for my brother, decided he wanted attention. This cat, one who is especially talented at demanding attention at the most inconvenient of times, then proceeded to rub up against my legs as I ascended the stairs. So I tell the cat to move and he runs up the stairs in front of me, just succeeding in getting in the way even more. I managed to safely reach the top of the stairs in this precarious situation, but then things got significantly worse. As I entered the bedroom at the very top, I accidentally knocked an open can of kitty treats off the desk and they scattered all over the floor. JD instantly does what most cats would do and dives for the treats as I’m turning to try to prevent knocking anything else down or drop my box. Somehow, this motion leads to the back of my underwear to get caught on the doorknob.¬† The resulting motions are pretty much inexplicable in text, but the result was me managing to give myself a wedgie as I tried to step over JD.

Moral of the story: Watch for pussy as you attempt to move your box.

Additional lesson learned: I own Schr√∂dinger’s underwear.

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