Important Notice: I have included pretty images of sexy primates in order to keep your attention on this article, read the whole thing!
Remember back when you were young and when the world talked of physically intimate matters the catchphrase was “The Facts of Life?” I remember that. In fact, I’m still hearing it, over and over. You know what bugs me? Sex IS NOT a fact of life. As much as I love sex and as much as you love sex, it is not a fact of life. It is merely a part of human life; one that we take for granted.
Sex is not a universal trait for life. The majority of life we’re thinking about most of the time does rely on it, but many things we’re aware of do not, like bacteria. So why is this important? Well, mostly because I think we sometimes lack perspective on our sexual behaviors in a manner that leads to a lack of appreciation for it. As organisms, we lack uniquness when we compare our sexuality to the sexual behaviors of other mammals, especially other primates. In fact, the most unique thing we do when compared to other primates is cross dressing. It is possible, though, that this is only because our culture focuses so much on clothes and other primates lack the dexterity it takes to put on elaborate attire. If other ape cultures had a Calvin Klein, you can bet that King Kong would have nothing between him and his Calvins, either. When we expand our view to other creatures, though, what we and other mammals do looks increasingly more unique. We’re not having sex strictly for reproductive utility, we’re having it for pleasure, an intimate social connection; other things that appear to play a role in our survival. And when we step back to view the whole of life? Our sexual behavior IS unique. The reality is, sexual behavior is only a fact of life when you’re talking about certain kingdoms of life.
All that considered, what should we do about it? Well, I was thinking a holiday would be good. I know that’s been done before, but Last Year’s National Sex day didn’t happen again this year and the Global Orgasm people are just trying to sell you a book full of, well, bullshit. So I’m thinking we need a better Holiday. This holiday isn’t just for your orgasm, though and it isn’t just a reason to party. This is a holiday that would be like both the Memorial Day of sex AND the Halloween of sex. I’d like to see the educational value of a holiday and the recreational parts join together (which I KNOW will happen for a sexual holiday) for this one. I want people to have sex, but I also want people to learn about it and appreciate it on this holiday.
Did you see the title of this article? It doesn’t seem to jive with what you’ve read so far, does it? Well, when reading about sexually related holidays, I’ve noticed an important pattern. People don’t like to talk about sex and they don’t like to openly talk about celebrating it. This means that the word about a sexual holiday spread somewhat, but the information fails to catch on when the name of the holiday contains sex. Businessmen don’t want “Sex holiday” showing up on their Facebook profiles for co-workers to see; housewives don’t want their kids asking them uncomfortable questions and some people are just kinksters in hiding who are so used to hiding, they don’t want to broadcast anything even remotely sexual, ever. While I prefer encouraging people to be open about their sexuality, I feel that the spreading of good information through this idea is more important than worrying about if people are comfortable having a crotch. That being said, I am calling this holiday “the Day of the Inconspicuous Dot.” When you talk to friends about it, please be sure to use this name. This is a code name for our holiday so that you can speak freely about it in places that society may deem inappropriate for such a conversation. Also, you can get further into the issue if you can keep the conversation from shutting down at the mention of sex, (AND it also doesn’t look bad on a Facebook page!)
There are two main points to this holiday:
- The Facts of Life are not what they seem, much like Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, and
- Sex is interesting and fun; as is reading about sex and applying your knowledge.
Of course there are important reasons for these points. Monty Python is cool and can be used as holiday filler, like how we tolerate Jingle Bells and bad Claymation movies while we wait for the good part of the holiday, the presents! As for the second point, well, you have been reading the article, haven’t you?
So, what day is the Day of the Inconspicuous Dot? Well, there is unfortunate competition this time of year for holidays. I needed something away from the other holidays, but near enough that it made sense to even make this a topic at all. Thus, I have decided that the Day of the Inconspicuous Dot is on January 16, every year. This is not only a convenient day, but also marks the anniversary of the beginning of Prohibition (January 16, 1919). Why not replace such a historical blunder with something awesome?
- Sex Toys to suit your tastes and/or anything you’d like to try (willing partner is optional).
- Monty Python or Eddize Izzard videos (you can clips on Youtube, blasphemer!)
- Sexually educational book(s) or websites. Wikipedia is your friend, but don’t be afraid to poke around the internet. Just be sure you use credible sources with accurate, true information that cites sources and backs up assertions with scientific research!
- Genitals (yours or those of the aforementioned optional willing partner).
- Condoms if anyone near you during your celebration happens to have a penis. I also encourage the use of dental dams if you plan on eating anything other than food which a condom won’t fit over (I will try to write on the proper use of dental dams sometime between now and then).
- Party food! Seriously, if you’re doing this right, you’re going to get hungry.
In Conclusion: Spread the word! The Day of the Inconspicuous Dot is on January 16!